Suitcase of Memories
by klutzysunshine
Summary: Eleanor's in love with Chidi but pushes him away because she believes he doesn't feel the same way.


**I don't own The Good Place nor will I ever. No copyright infringement intended.**

* * *

The realization that she was in love with Chidi hit Eleanor like a ton of bricks and she stopped what she was doing immediately. "Oh fork no," she whispered to herself. What was she going to do? He didn't feel the same - had said so himself - so there was nothing she could do about it. She'd have to live with her feelings on her own. She'd just bury them and never think about them again. That could work, right? Sure, they had fallen in love during the previous reboots but things had obviously changed in this one. He only saw her as a friend and she had to come to terms with that. She couldn't make Chidi love her, and the thought hurt so much she had to step into the shower to cry for a few minutes. When she finally pulled herself together, she frantically tried to wipe the evidence away and stepped out into the living room to distract herself. The only thing she could do was push Chidi away because he couldn't know how she felt. She didn't want to ruin their friendship and that was exactly what would happen if he found out.

So when Chidi stepped inside after a long day with Tahani, Jason, and Michael, she pulled herself together. "How have you been?" Chidi asked.

"Fine!" she answered and cringed upon realizing oddly perky she sounded.

He tilted his head in confusion but didn't really question it. "Okay… Anyway, how would you feel about having a picnic with the others?"

"A picnic? Really?"

Chidi nodded. "Yeah, it was Tahani's idea. She wants us to bond and thought a picnic seemed like a lovely idea. Then Jason encouraged her, and Michael and I couldn't get out of it no matter hard we tried. I told them I'd come and get you." He wasn't looking forward to the picnic but he definitely wanted to spend some more time with Eleanor.

"Sure. Should be fun!" She ran to her bedroom to change and followed Chidi out the door. Her heart hurt looking at him but she was determined to ignore it and did exactly that.

"You've been crying," Tahani accused out of the earshot of the others upon laying eyes on Eleanor.

"I have not been crying!" Eleanor whispered, her voice raising in volume a little.

"What are you upset about?" Tahani questioned, not buying her denial for a minute.

"Nothing. Leave me alone." She felt bad about it but Eleanor pushed Tahani out of her way and rejoined the others.

Chidi noticed her odd behavior throughout their meal - Eleanor only talked to him when he said something to her or asked a question - but thought nothing of it, thinking she was just upset about something and would tell him later. "You have fun today?" he asked her on their way back home.

She shrugged, hoping she didn't look as sad as she felt. "Yeah, of course." She had tried to rally but it hadn't quite worked out like she wanted. She had to work harder and put some walls up (walls that he had somehow knocked down) so he couldn't see through her facade. This was one of the most important (and hurtful) things she ever had to do and she couldn't fork it up.

He frowned, trying to figure out what exactly what was wrong with her. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. I'll see you tomorrow for our lesson." And then Eleanor walked inside her house and closed the door in his face.

Resolved to figure out her problem soon, Chidi headed back to his place to formulate a lesson plan for the week. "It'll be okay," he tried to convince himself, panicking about what could have possibly upset Eleanor.

* * *

Eleanor pulled herself together for the next week during their ethics lesson, continuing to only talk to Chidi when the situation called for it and ignoring him the rest of the time. Their friends quickly picked up on it (even Jason) but none of them knew quite how to approach her and were honestly afraid to. "You need to figure this out," Eleanor whispered to herself, trying not to cry (again). She knew Chidi could tell something was up but she was banking on him being too afraid to confront her. That was easier in the long run. God, she loved this man so much she could barely stand it. But pushing him away was the right decision and he had to understand that if he eventually discovered the truth (unlikely).

Then Tahani walked in without knocking, wrecking all her plans. "I demand you tell me the problem with you this instant," she ordered.

"I don't know what you're talking about," she lied.

Tahani rolled her eyes. "Do you honestly believe I'm falling for that. The others put me in charge of figuring out your issue - although Michael seems to have guessed a reason and won't share with the rest of us - and I intend to find out what it is." She started tapping her feet on the ground and waited for a response from Eleanor.

Eleanor wasn't about to break, though, no matter how much she wanted to. "I can stand here all night and not say a word to you. You're getting nothing from me."

"You've been acting off with Chidi for a week. It has something to do with him, correct?"

"No! Now leave me alone."

"You're pushing him away. Now why is that?" Tahani questioned.

Her palms began sweating, mostly because of the panic coursing through her, but Eleanor continued to stand her ground and she shut up. Tahani could also stand her ground and refused to leave. "I can stand here all night. Doesn't matter to me."

Eleanor rolled her eyes and huffed out a breath. "I"m in love with Chidi!"

Tahani grinned. "I knew it! And this is a problem why? The man is head over heels in love with you. It's obvious to anyone who's spent a minute with you two."

"Because he doesn't feel the same, Tahani. He told me a few weeks ago."

"Did you tell him the truth?" Tahani probed.

"Of course not! I just asked him how he felt about me. He only sees me as a friend so that's all we are to each other." She felt a little better now that she had exploded but she still missed Chidi and was going to have to live with it.

"You're an idiot. Tell him." Then Tahani waved goodbye and left Eleanor alone with her thoughts.

Eleanor was absolutely not going to tell him and continued to push him away (this led to several more crying sessions in the shower - Tahani had only caught her once, thank God) but everything came to a head just twelve days later. "You've been ignoring me!" Chidi accused, catching her off guard when she had just settled in to watch TV and eat dinner.

"No, I haven't. Don't know what you're talking about." Eleanor hoped he bought it but she knew she was busted.

"Eleanor, do not lie to me. You can tell me what the problem is." He had broken a few days ago but it had taken him a long time to decide to confront her about this head-on.

"Nothing is the matter! Leave me alone!"

"Eleanor! Please! You're scaring me," he told her.

"I'm in love with you!" she shouted and then froze.

Silence. "You're in love me with," he echoed.

"Yes. And I know you don't feel the same so I was pushing you away. It was stupid but it was the only thing I could think of," she admitted.

Chidi had to sit down in a chair as he tried to process the news. "I lied," he finally admitted.

"What?" she asked, trying not to get her hopes up (and failing miserably).

"Or I was in denial. Either way, I realize now that I hurt you and that was wrong of me. I'm sorry, Eleanor." He'd have to live with this guilt for eternity but that was nothing new.

"You're forgiven," Eleanor replied.

"I didn't want to admit to myself how much that taped scare me - and the truth in it. But I do want to be with you, Eleanor. You're my best friend," he told her.

"You're my best friend too, Chidi."

"So you want to give us a try? We can be a mess together."

She laughed. "Sure. Now get over here and kiss me."

"Sure." He jumped up and then ran to her.

Pushing Chidi away may have been the wrong choice but the outcome had been worth it. And Eleanor did not thank Tahani for being so annoying the next time she saw her.


End file.
